Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm not superstious, but...

So, I bought three bottles of Jones Soda a few days ago, and I usually enjoy reading the fortunes "swiped from actual fortune cookies" under the bottle caps.  I don't really believe in the divine validity of fortune cookies, but I do enjoy trying to find a nice irony in them, or blatantly criticize 'em.  Anyways, early in the afternoon, I cracked open my first one to get a rather ominous message stating, "Your fantasy will come true."  I kind of chuckled and began to fantasize about that conversion for an M1 Garand that lets it take M1918 mags, and promptly let the fortune slip from my mind. 
The T20.  Dead sexy.
A little over an hour or so later, I figured I was ready for another one, so I twist the cap off and read it's less than cryptic words, which were printed, "Your love life will be happy and harmonious."  The smile quickly fades from my face as I take in this message, and I soon grab the other liberated bottle cap and compare them.  I quickly shudder, and begin to suspiciously eye the last remaining bottle of Jones resting on the opposite end of the coffee table in front of me.  I could only view it as an oppressive monolith, filled with pure bottled evil, as I slowly slide away from it, tucking myself into the far end of the couch.  Never had I been so creeped out by an inanimate object before.  Needless to say, I've never bothered opening that last bottle of  soda...
I swear, these bastards are out to kill me.
Why can't I get cool fortunes under my cap?  Like this one, for example.

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