Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Survivors always have trust issues

I struggle with many vices in life, but one that seems to surface more than most, stems from an issue with trust.  Now, when I say I have trust issues, I think I have a problem with trusting too readily.  I have an annoying tendancy to blindly trust until it is proven that a person cannot be trusted.  This is something I have tried to work on, but has resulted in slow progress.

However, that isn't the main issue I wanted to bring up.  I just find it kind of ironic that the virtue of withholding trust until it is earned, despite being something I admire in a person, is simultaneously something that tends to emotionally bruise me somewhat often. 

I suppose it's because I also have a bit of unhealty pride in thinking that I am someone who is trustworthy, and after meeting people whom I not only respect but enjoy (or even with people I have loved for a long time), who do not trust me, it hurts.  Now granted, I don't blame at all those who may not have known me long, or don't know me very well for not trusting me.  What gets me is when I very much want to be worthy of someone's trust, but I am never given the opportunity to, or when I have known someone for a long time, and I end up not being trusted. 

Like I said, it's a stupid little thing in life that I shouldn't even worry about that much, but I guess it's just something that inherently means a lot to me, and I can't help but be more than a little hurt by it.

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