Monday, August 8, 2011

Reason I am single #192

I hate the movie 'The Notebook'.  Why?  It's a perfect example of a mediocre movie; no moral to the story, toatlly unlikeable characters, and it just ends up dragging on and on.  What, you disagree?  Okay, then.  Let's take a look at a brief synopsis, with my italicized comments spread throughout.  Warning: spoilers ahead.  Okay now, shall we?

So, movie starts off with Boy meeting Girl.  Boy, promises to build dream house for girl.  Okay, love stories aren't my favorite, but whatever, let's continue.  Boy and Girl fall madly in love (obviously), but are unwillingly, and painfully separated.  Gee, life happens.  Boy (still in love with Girl) goes to war, gets hurt, and everyone thinks he's dead because of a clerical error.  I'll admit, that's a pretty tough break.  Girl, totally heartbroken upon news of Boy's death, tries to move on.  So far so good.  Boy, after coming home, decides to build house out of sheer boredom.  Not really, but I like that explanation better.

Girl meets New Guy, a nice guy who ends up falling in love with her.  To be expected.  Boy ends up screwing some Cheap Whore to bide his time.  Wow, what a great guy he's turning out to be.  Girl says she loves New Guy and and accepts his marriage proposal.  How cute (really!).  Boy, says he loves Cheap Whore as well, and she now wants Boy to marry her.  All right, he's getting slightly better.  But, Girl sees that Boy is still alive, and follows him home.  Wait, what?  Girl realizes she's a lying piece of sh*t, that doesn't really love New Guy like she said she did.  So, she and lying piece of sh*t Boy have a secret affair behind the back of her fiancee (New Guy) and Cheap Whore.  Okay, WTF?  How in the hell is that romantic?  New Guy and Cheap Whore, find out about said affair and get pissed off.  As well they should!  They just got played by a couple lying pieces of sh*t.  New Guy (being the better man) out of the great love he has for Girl, lets her go, so she can be happy as an adulterous harpy.  Okay, the only cool character just left the building. 

Now, fast forward half a century later, Boy and Girl are an old married couple.  Sheesh, I'm surprised they're married after both their track records.  Girl is suffering the divine justice that is Alzheimer's for her lying and adulterous life.  While Boy suffers the sweet, sweet karma of Girl never knowing who he is, as he vainly attempts everyday to get her to remember him by reading their sordid tale out of her notebook.  Holy crap, is it finally over? Nope!  The audience is now supposed to feel bad as the children of these bastards can't help Boy to get Girl to remember either.  See what great examples Gram and Gramps were, kids?  We should do sh*tty things in the name of love just like them!  (Featured in the sequel, Lying bastards: the next generation.)  Girl ends up dying from divine justice, and Boy dies soon after because of severe depression (karma). 

And there's why I will always be single.  I'd rather just be honest and true to myself, and come across as a jerk; instead of being a lying, two-timing bastard, all in the name of 'true love'.  So, in short, I hate that movie because it sucks, and anyone who likes it is freaking retarded (which includes almost every woman I know).  True love, my ass.  F that.
A recent picture of me.

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