Crappy jokes

Because I am a socially crippled nerd, my friends and I have a rare tendency to resort to bathroom humor.  Okay, okay, it's actually pretty often. As in it's a running joke between my friends and I to make jokes about the bathroom right after using it during any LAN party.  Due to popular demand, I have now been obligated to record some of the best hits of these one-liners for the enjoyment of those who like this kind of crap (pun intended).  So, to all who were there and those who weren't; the following brief lines of dialogue transpired right after exiting a bathroom:

-That was like having a shoving contest with a tree trunk.

-Sounded like I was dropping nightsticks in there.  Seriously, it made a 'clank' noise!
-Now I know what a play-dough factory feels like.
-Other people have been exiled for less.
-I'm pretty sure I was generating pounds of thrust out of that exhaust pipe.
-Um, how many kidneys can you poop out and still be okay?  Really?  None? (yanked from this).
-I feel like a tube of toothpaste squeezed right in the middle.
-Wow, I'm feeling so young and full of life.
-I was awash in a sea of poo.
-Haven't seen that much brown since I got all my amazon orders for the month on one day. 
-At one point I was just along for the ride, there was no controlling it.
-I'm surprised I didn't get a flat tire after that....you know, a loose shutter.
-Never looking at peanut butter the same way again....ugh.
-I may be a bit bow-legged after that last one.
-I had to hold down that handle like I was strangling a freaking monster!
-Hey, you ever ridden one of those mechanical bulls?
-The only way to feel more empty than this is clinical depression!